What Does it Mean to be a Man?
Over the years, I have seen and heard a lot about “what it means to be a woman.” There have been an abundance of talk show hosts, main stream media figure heads, independent journalists and content creators poise this question. This question being asked is largely because of an increase in visibility and acceptance to the quote un quote transgender movement. This increase into the transgender movement started coming to light in the 2010s, thanks to events like Time Magazine highlighting transgenders, doctors diagnosing gender dysphoria more rapidly, employment discrimination extending to transgenders, and so much more. I could go on about each event that has taken place in the last decade and a half; but does it really matter? Just know, the term transgender wasn’t broadly used until 1980, and in the last ten to fifteen years, it has become a mainstream term, I would even go as far as to say it has become a mainstream identity.
Back to I have seen a lot over the years about “what it means to be a woman”. I have rarely seen or heard anything about what it means to be a man. I’m sure there are things out there. After all, if I am writing about it, chances are someone, somewhere, has also written about what it means to be a man. There are many lenses in which one could argue what a man is: societal, spiritually, culturally, physically, you get the point. Each lens may give you an entire different view of what it means to be a man, with a few similarities sprinkled in. What do you think those similarities could be?
The Oxford Dictionary defines a man as a noun.
An adult male human being
A human being of either sex; a person.
I whole heartedly disagree with the second definition, and could go on for hours about the many words and definitions in the dictionary, that quite frankly should not be in there. However, that would get us way off topic.
Not too long ago, a man could be defined by one word: provider. There are many different reasons why that one word alone does not purely define a man any longer. In my opinion, the main reason was the second-wave feminist movement in the1960s. This movement changed the household dynamic from one earner, the man, to two earners. In more recent years, it has been the push of visibility and acceptance into the transgender community. I do believe that even in the 1960s and 1970s we still had a firm grasp on what it meant to be a man. Today, I feel we as a society, have forgotten what it means to be a man. Or, at least the younger generations have.
In this article, I am going to stick with two subject groups: society, and religion. I’ll talk about how society views what a man is, and what the Bible says about what a man is.
How Society Describes What it Means to be a Man
Pew Research Center did a study surveying adults in the United States. I will admit, before reading their study, I assumed the numbers would be a lot different than they were. I assumed majority of the respondents would have said negative things about a man. The numbers from Pew, tells us that 43% of adults had positive views on men, while only 25% had negative views. The other 31% had neither negative or positive views. In a round about way, you “could” say I was right, considering less than half of the adults had positive things to say about men. This study was done in 2023, surveying over six-thousand adults. The survey covered traits people think are valued too much or too little in men, how acceptable they deem certain behaviors in men, and how they think men have managed relative to women in various aspects of life.
% of adults who say we place too much or too little value on certain traits in men
From the chart above, courtesy of the Pew Research Center, we can gather that the majority of adults say we place too much value in the traditional traits of a man, and not enough value in the traits that are traditionally more feminine. Can we not care equally for all of the above traits? Can a man be all of the above? For those that did not answer, why?
The survey goes on to ask men how masculine they think they are. I find it very intriguing, almost coincidental with what we see on mainstream channels, that democratic men rate themselves as less masculine as their republican counterparts. I have many ideas as to why this is. Maybe it is because republican men tend to hold more traditional values, maybe it is because republicans tend to be more Christian, which has the best guide in the world on how to be a man, or maybe it is because democrats have been feminizing their men for the past decade, maybe even longer. Why do you think republicans view themselves as more masculine than democratic men? What I find most alarming is that less than half of men think they themselves are masculine. One of the many reasons Project Brothers of Valor was formed. We want to see the confidence in men skyrocket! We want you, men, to feel masculine again!
% of men rating themselves as highly masculine
The study done by Pew Research Center is quite eye opening, and educational. I was surprised by many of the respondents answers. I mentioned earlier that the younger generations may have forgotten what is means to be a man. One area of the study confirmed that. Later in the study’s findings, Pew separates the group; men from women, and divides each of the groups by age. The data is no surprise to me, and if you pay any attention at all to young adults these days, shouldn’t be any surprise to you either. Only 25% of Millennial and Gen Z men say they are highly masculine. While 54% of their counterparts, the Baby Boomers, responded they view themselves as highly masculine. As we have aged, the idea of masculinity has faded so far away, the younger generations have no clue what it means to be a man.
One last piece I want to take away from this survey conducted by Pew Research Center, is how young men responded when they were asked if social media, TV, or movies have influenced their views about being a man. I want you to pay keen attention to this next fact. 33% of young men responded that social media, TV, or movies have influenced them on what it means to be a man. That means one-third of our men in youth are being influenced by the garbage they see on the screen.
The above statistics, and the influence mentioned from TV, Social media, and music on young men, should make you want to severely limit screen time, or eliminate it completely, delete your children’s social media profiles, only watch faith based movies, and listen to faith based music. I know it has me rethinking a cluster of things with my girls.
Society has lost touch with what it means to be a man. We have evolved so far away that only a fraction of young men would call themselves highly masculine. We are losing tradesmen at rapid rates, and if you read {{Insert Jeffs Article}} an article written by my business partner, Jeff Hackney, you learned that men are being born less, incarcerated more, and killing themselves faster than ever before. Will society even have men in the next thirty to forty years, or will the next generation, and the ones after them, continue to forget what it means to be a man?
What the Bible Says About Being a Man
The Bible describes a man as one who exhibits self-control, provides for and protects his family, leads through example, and is committed to God’s will and word. The Bible also tells us that a man is defined by virtues like kindness, integrity, love, and humility, which shine back God’s teachings. God defines men as one who takes action, not just words, and diligently pursues a Christian character, demonstrating strength, courage and self-sacrifice in his responsibilities.
Now, I am sure many of you are thinking, “I know women like this”, or “my mom was all of those to me growing up.” If your mom was the one that raised you into the man you are, there is no shame in that. Not every boy is afforded the privilege of having a man, or father figure to look up to, and learn from. The timeline of the Bible also takes place when things were much more simple for women. In biblical times, the role of a woman was to take care of the home, and the family. Those two roles encompassed a diverse set of tasks from harvesting crop, tending to livestock, to crafting and mending clothes and other necessities. During biblical times, the men had a much different set of responsibilities. Men were the family leader, the spiritual guide, providers, protectors. Men also tended to the crop and livestock, were artisans, and warriors. No task less, or more important than the other. All were equally important to the survival and success of their family, and communities.
“Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. Let all that you do be done in love.”
1 Corinthians 16:13-14
God tells us that true manhood means standing firm in faith and leading with love. He specifically describes to us a man, who is a true leader, will be strong and lead with love. If you look back at the first graph, you’ll see society agrees that men should be loving. You could also take away men are not loving enough, as many responded we do not put enough value into men that care. But, we have also moved away from Christian based teachings in school, and as Jeff describes in his article, boys are losing role models in their home. So where is a young man supposed to learn how to be a man? Project Brothers of Valor would be a great place to look.
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”
Ephesians 5:25“Therefore an overseer must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, Sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach… He must manage his own household well.”
1 Timothy 3:2-4
God is telling us men lead through sacrificial love, not control or ego. When men can learn to let go of the control, remove their ego, and let love pour into them, they will lead not only themselves, but their family into the promise land. When we lead with control, and let our ego drive the ship, we lose sight of God’s will. We get selfish, angry, manipulative. This will cause your ship to hit an iceberg. More like than not, you’ll sink faster than the Titanic. What control and ego translates to, is failed marriages, underprivileged children, failed jobs, and broken communities. When men follow God’s will, and lead with love, be sober-minded, self-controlled, and able to teach, we no longer do things out of selfishness, we nourish our families, our employees, and communities, allowing a place for people to flourish. We open our minds to other peoples ideas, create diverse opportunities, and help our fellow men thrive, instead of tearing them down.
“As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.”
Proverbs 27:17
When Jeff and I were sitting in my living room, founding Project Brothers of Valor, we knew we wanted a logo that had a lot of symbolism. This is why we chose to have a sword included in the logo design. Not only is it in the shape of a cross, but a sword a symbol of brotherhood and accountability. Those are two things a Godly man seeks. Brotherhood, and accountability. Men must first manage our own household well, meaning men must first hold ourselves and our families accountable. Once we have mastered that, we can seek a brotherhood, of like minded men, and then begin to hold each other accountable, growing beyond the brotherhood, holding the broader community accountable as well. It’s a snowball effect, but with positive consequence. When a man builds a strong character, through God’s teachings, he will set the foundation for generations after him. Imagine this, in every, or at least majority, of households in America and around the globe. You’d have millions of men with Godly characters, creating the foundation for their children, and generations to come, in every community, across the world. It would be the revival we all know we need. God tells us this is in the promise land. But, all men can do our part to make it a reality here on earth. That leads me into the final verse for this article.
“The Righteous lead blameless lives; blessed are their children after them.”
Proverbs 20:7
Society thinks traditional values of men are toxic. This is where that awful phrase “toxic masculinity” comes into play. While it is true that some men take it over the top, it is equally true that those men are not real men. Not in the eyes of society, and certainly not in the eyes of God. We can suggest from the survey conducted by Pew Research Center that society would like men to be caring, open with emotions, softer-spoken, and affectionate. We can also suggest men are confident, assertive, and physically stronger. This does align with how God describes what it means to be a man. He tells us to be loving, to be soft-spoken, to be humble and kind, but to also be confident, be assertive, and be strong. If what society wants, correlates with what God tells us, why are men becoming less of a man? I guess that gives me an idea for my next article. Thanks for reading and God bless!
P.S. I asked my two, eight year old daughters what they think it means to be a man. They said tough, caring to your wife, loving, bill payer, and provider. I think I am doing a pretty great job as a father!