Am I my Brother’s Keeper?
Am I my Brother’s Keeper? This is a question that I have asked myself for years. I have had my own personal feelings about this question many times. As I have grown in experience, I have come to understand this very question even broader and have concluded that the answer is a very resounding YES!
Please let me explain a little more. Also, for the purpose of this article, I will be asking questions about male statistics. I am not going to be emphasizing anything but the male aspect. I do not believe in breaking it down by ethnicity; this is about men, not your color or ethnic background. Also, I have only asked questions based on the United States. This is where I am and where I want to help. I also have gotten my answers from Google, so anyone can look them up. But I am pretty sure that all the answers are fairly accurate and are worthy of further questioning.
First question: Is the male birth rate in the U.S. over the last 50 years on a decline? The simple answer is YES. Some context for this is:
The fertility rates are down in the U.S. This drop is approximately 14% between 1990–2023.
The ratio of male to female births in the U.S. has been on a decline since 1971. A study in 1949 showed a ratio of 1,059 male births to every 1,000 female births. But by 2023, that number is down to 1,049 to every 1,000 female births.
A shifting of parental age is also a key factor. A study based on information from 1990 to 2023 shows that birth rates for women under 30 are declining, and birth rates for women over 30 are increasing. The study also showed that with older birth rates, the male-to-female ratio is lower.
Other contributing factors: Studies show that declining sperm counts in men are a contributing factor to a declining male birth rate, as well as environmental contaminants that are affecting our bodies, both female and male.
Second question: In the U.S., has the male suicide rate increased over the last 50 years? The simple answer is a resounding YES!!! In 2022, the male suicide rate was the highest it has been in 70+ years, at 23 per 100,000 population. Another study showed that since 2010, there has been an increase in suicide of 30% in men aged 25 to 34 years old. Another showed that in 2023, the highest level of suicide rates was in men aged above 75 years old, at 40.7 per 100,000. This is a very concerning rate of men committing suicide and leaving behind families that are torn apart. We, as men, need to step up and do more to prevent this. We need to watch out for each other.
The third question is a hard question to answer without looking at ethnic numbers. I do not want to get into that side of the answer for this question, but I do understand the imbalance of this question. So, here it is: Is the male incarceration rate in the U.S. on the rise over the last 50 years? Again, the simplest answer is YES!!! Without getting too far into the background of this question, men are the majority of all incarcerated people in the U.S. There is a HUGE need in the U.S. for all types of reform. I do not believe the answer to this question is strictly a reform of criminal justice. I believe that the bigger reform is societal and familial. I will get into these later on in this article.
The next three questions I really think I can put together and answer as one. But I did ask these questions separately, and the answer was YES!!! (Except for the last question, which was mixed with a trend that may be on the downward side.)
Over the last 50 years, has the number of unwed births increased?
Over the last 50 years, has a fatherless home increased?
Over the last 50 years, has the U.S. divorce rate increased?
So, questions 1 and 2 kind of go together, but I included #3 because it does contribute to the overall of #1 and #2. However, #3 does give some hope for the future.
The answer is that from 1960, approximately 5% of births were to unwed mothers. By 2008 (to present), this number is approximately 40% of all births in the U.S.
The shift from a two-parent home: In 1968, 85% of children lived in a two-parent home. By 2020, that number had decreased to 70%.
While the answer to this question is a yes, in recent years this answer has been on a decline, at a rate of 2.4 divorces per 1,000 people in 2023, which is the lowest in 50 years.
This next question I did just as a general question, not based on male or female: Over the last 50 years in the U.S., has the number of people attending church decreased or increased? The answer to this question again is a YES!!! In the mid-70s, church membership was approximately 70%, and by 2020 it had dropped to below 50%. While there are a lot of contributing factors to this, it was a surprising answer for myself. While I am not a weekly churchgoer myself, I still do believe in God and in church as a community. So, these numbers were amazing to me—also a light on the fact that I need to be better in my own beliefs and my own accountability.
Now we are going to get into something a little bit different. I asked, what is the meaning of feminine? As well as, what is the meaning of masculinity? So, from my point of view or my belief, this is how I am going to put this: Femininity, to me, is nurturing, emotional strength, intuitive, can be submissive, or can be more dominant. Masculinity, to me, is strength (not just physical, but also emotional). We need to be courageous (we need to have the tough conversations). We need to be leaders (for our families, then for our communities). We can be dominant (but we need to hear our submissive and listen to and make decisions based on both sides of the coin). I will tell you this as well: as I age, my understanding of femininity, masculinity, dominance, and submissiveness is a growing understanding. It is seen in my eyes as, the easiest explanation being, the yin and yang sign—not necessarily man or woman, because both can exhibit both traits in my eyes. But as for this article, I am speaking to MEN.
Now, the hard part, MEN. What is TOXIC MASCULINITY? This question was one I found to honestly agree with the most when I Googled it. Toxic masculinity is a narrow and rigid set of cultural norms and expectations for men that are harmful to both men themselves and society! Not saying that masculinity is bad, but when taken to extremes—as with anything—it is bad. Same as toxic femininity; I don’t really think we can argue that. At its core, toxic masculinity says we as men must be physically strong. Men don’t cry or show signs of weakness. We don’t have emotions and should not care about others’ emotions. We as men must be tyrannical, and our house is our castle; our decisions are final, and we don’t need to take into consideration the feminine side.
This, though, is completely wrong, and living this way has only gotten us to where we are now as a society. With this thinking, we as men are to repress our emotions—the “men don’t cry” mentality. We are told that emotions are bad and that we are weak for having them. This leads to isolation, suicide, depression, anxiety, and stress. With this thinking, men are to be strong forever. This will lead to men not seeking medical attention when it is needed. This is why we work ourselves to death. This thinking, as far as harm to society, is even greater. We, as men with this thinking, are more aggressive, faster to violence, more prejudiced, and more discriminatory.
This is where I say the hard part is, MEN. We need to take a stand TOGETHER. We need to come together to help each other. The only answer to TOXIC MASCULINITY is a more refined masculinity. It is OK to seek out MEN. It is OK to learn from MEN. It is OK to take care of ourselves (emotionally, physically, and spiritually). This is where the idea of “AM I MY BROTHER’S KEEPER” really hit home for me. I believe after all this, the answer should be very obvious—but it’s not. We men do not live to help each other. We do not reach out for guidance. We don’t keep each other accountable. We live on and die on our own islands. We need to realize that it’s OK to reach out for one another.
If we just take a look at our own surroundings, look at all the women’s groups (ladies, I am not picking on you—please follow my thinking). From church, to online, to in-person, to on and on and on. Ladies, I know it is needed, and I fully support what you all are doing. But as men, we also need to realize that we need the same support, the same sense of community with each other. So again, I ask, “AM I MY BROTHER’S KEEPER?” Well, we all should be, and we should encourage it more. We need to support each other, celebrate our wins, be there for each other in our losses, give guidance when we can, and lend an ear to listen to our fellow men when needed or asked for! I truly believe if we lived a more refined masculinity and lived to support each other, we can accomplish anything!
Men, I wish you all would read and understand this point of view. I believe in you all. We need to come together and strive to live our best lives possible!!! Thank you for reading.