Addiction Isn’t Just Killing Men - It’s Killing Leadership

Addiction is crazy. Every single person on this planet has likely dealt with it. You may have seen a friend, sibling, parent, or child struggle with addiction, or maybe you have struggled with it yourself. Around 17 percent of the United States population deals with addiction at any given time. That is roughly fifty million people. The majority of those fifty million Americans who struggle every single day are men. In fact, one in every five men will face addiction head-on. That means a man you know either is, or will, struggle with addiction.

What is addiction? Addiction is the fact or condition of being addicted to a particular substance, thing, or activity. You can be addicted to anything. If you have ever seen the hit TV series on TLC called My Strange Addiction, you know what I mean when I say someone can be addicted to literally anything. For the purposes of this article, I’ll focus on what is known as Substance Use Disorder, or SUD.

SUD is a medical condition that involves the problematic use of alcohol, drugs, or other substances. It is a diagnosable disease that can interfere with daily life and occurs when a person has an inability to control their use of a substance, even when it causes harm. When a person abuses drugs and/or alcohol, it negatively affects the brain. You can see symptoms of SUD manifest through physical, behavioral, and social changes. There is so much literature written about SUD, so I won’t go much further into it.

What I am writing about today is why men are more likely to struggle with addiction than women, how SUD affects men, and in turn, how having large populations of men addicted to substances affects the community as a whole.

A little backstory that may or may not make me qualified to write on this topic. Spoiler alert… no, I am not a doctor, nor have I extensively studied Substance Use Disorder. However, what I can say is that I have lived with addicts, have had friends who are addicts, family members who fought addiction, and even I have battled with addiction.

From a young age, I was addicted to being heard, being accepted, being included. Simply put, I wanted to feel like I was a part of something. This addiction to a feeling of belonging led me down some dark paths. I am no idiot. I could have easily chosen a path that would have allowed me to use my brain instead of fry it. For whatever reason, I always found myself in groups of friends that perpetuated negativity, danger, and violence. I could have had it all, but chose to drink, get high, and make undesirable choices in the name of “belonging.”

What the fuck was I thinking? Truth be told, I was thinking I had found my people. I was thinking I had found a bond so strong it would never tarnish. I even joined the military with one of them. Fast forward to today: one of them is dead, one has been in and out of jail and rehab, and the other, the one I joined the military with, well, it took me a long time, but I realized the person I saw was not the person I wanted to become.

The man I wanted to become, and am today, offers coaching to men on how to overcome addiction or deal with a loved one who suffers from SUD. Not enable them to destroy their mind, body, and spirit.

Now that you know a little about me and my backstory with addiction, let’s get into why men struggle with SUD.

The first question I asked myself is, “Why do people turn to drugs, alcohol, and other substances?” People typically abuse drugs and alcohol to “check out,” right? Current data trends show that the gender gap in addiction is narrowing. However, men are historically twice as likely to have a diagnosable substance use disorder compared to women. Why is this?

There are a few reasons. Both men and women deal with socialization and peer influence. However, men are significantly more likely to be introduced to various types of drugs and alcohol by other men within their peer groups. I can attest to this. I have been offered, by men, everything from alcohol to opioids, cocaine, LSD, and even methamphetamines. In more recent years, ketamine seems to be a popular offering.

Men use these substances almost like a rite of passage. We tend to associate substance use as a way to bond with our fellow brothers. I can recall multiple instances when I was in motorcycle clubs where a handful of brothers would take acid and go on a night ride like it was a typical evening stroll. Every time we met, multiple times a week, we would be “bonding” through substance abuse. Looking back now, I realize how toxic that really was. Did we bond? Yes. Were there better ways to accomplish this? Without a doubt, yes.

Aside from these social rituals, men also face a sense of normalcy around masculinity and substance abuse. Cultural expectations of masculinity can lead men to view misuse of substances as “manly” behavior. Think about it, how many men do you know who take pride in how much alcohol they can consume, or boast about a week-long bender with their favorite white powder? We’ve all been there, myself included.

Polishing off a case of beer single-handedly in a weekend isn’t impressive. It isn’t manly. It isn’t cool. And it certainly isn’t something to be proud of. So why do we continue to do it? Why do we feel a sense of accomplishment sharing this with our peers? Because we have created a culture where men believe abusing substances makes them more masculine than being responsible. This couldn’t be further from the truth, but it becomes their truth.

The abuse of drugs and alcohol almost always leads to a decline in mental health. If you didn’t start with a mental health disorder, you’ll likely end up with one if you continue to degrade your body with illicit substances. This is especially dangerous for men and creates a revolving cycle of destruction. The only way to end this cycle is to get help. Sounds simple, right? Wrong.

The vast majority of men perceive asking for help as weakness. This belief drives them deeper into the addiction abyss.

Men are wired differently. Men and women have biological differences in brain chemistry and metabolism that contribute to how addiction develops and persists. Dopamine, the “feel-good” neurotransmitter, plays a major role. Men tend to have higher dopamine-driven reward seeking. The more substances you introduce, the more your brain demands stimulation it can no longer obtain naturally.

That mile run isn’t enough. The gym pump isn’t enough. The job promotion doesn’t hit. Even intimacy barely registers. Without intervention, substances become the only way the brain feels reward. It’s a lie, but recovery proves the brain can heal. It just takes time.

There are many reasons men face SUD at staggering rates. I’ll touch on one final major factor: trauma, violence, and coping patterns.

Women are more likely to experience certain traumatic events and are twice as likely to develop PTSD. Yet men are almost twice as likely to be diagnosed with SUD. Why? Because men are taught early to self-medicate instead of seek help.

Men account for over 90 percent of workplace fatalities, while women account for less than 10 percent. Men also make up 82 percent of workplace homicides. Men are literally killing men on job sites. The nature of male-dominated work exposes men to danger, stress, and violence daily. When the boots come off, it’s no surprise many want to numb out.

Men face immense pressure, sometimes self-imposed, sometimes structural, but numbing out is not regulation. Substances are not solutions.

For those who have lived through addiction or loved someone who has, you know how frightening it can be. You also know recovery is possible. The percentage of men who die from SUD is small compared to those who recover, but it is still far too high.

Project: Brothers of Valor exists to reduce that number, to help men never experience SUD, or never experience it again.

Here is a truth we don’t talk about enough: a man actively struggling with SUD cannot lead his home. Leadership requires presence, consistency, emotional regulation, and accountability. Addiction strips all of that away. It replaces responsibility with impulse, clarity with chaos, and stability with unpredictability.

When a home lacks leadership, it becomes unstable. When many homes lack leadership, communities fracture. Crime rises. Children grow up without guidance. Cycles repeat. Addiction does not stay confined to the individual, it radiates outward, weakening families, neighborhoods, and entire communities.

But the inverse is also true.

When men heal, regulate themselves, and step into accountability, they become anchors for their families. Strong men create strong homes. Strong homes produce resilient children. Resilient children build thriving communities.

Leadership doesn’t start in government or institutions, it starts in the living room, at the dinner table, in how a man handles stress, pain, and responsibility when no one is watching.

Addiction affects millions, disproportionately men, and its impact extends far beyond the individual. Biology, culture, trauma, and environment all contribute, but none remove responsibility. Recovery is possible, and most men who face SUD do recover. The path forward begins with accountability, self-regulation, and leadership, and it starts at home. When men take ownership of their health, emotions, and actions, they reclaim their ability to lead. And when men lead their homes with strength and clarity, their communities don’t just survive, they thrive.